OK, so here I am. Working with 7 other people. Most of which probably need this program. If not for the alcohol issue, the behavior issue. I have worked there for approx 3 years. From the very beginning I have been treated very poorly. On top of that I had to fight for my job, change MY behavior and learn to get along in an environment that all my life I would leave because it was just to unbearable for me to face. This has been a major process in my recovery, and quite frankly I became self employed, until 9/11 happened, just so I would not have to deal with this kind of work environment.
With all that said; In my time of becoming clearer within sobriety, I have come across many obstacles that I needed to grow through in order become peaceful within me. Acceptance can be an extremely difficult thing, especially for those of us that have run from all feelings for a long time. The bottom line is that it does come down to me. That also means that I do not have to become a doormat either. So, regarding my work situation. I have changed my behavior, of course I am not perfect with this though. I try to be more respectful of others. I ask for what I need and respond to others when they do the same. It is a very intense environment to work in, and we all have to flow as a team. We do not have a choice in that.
All fears can be overcome!
Yesterday, I got to a point of blowing up at the biggest bully of the group. I have to say that yelling may not have been the correct approach, but my words definitely were. I let him know with out a doubt and very loudly that I have had enough of the games and bullshit that has been flying around here up to this point. It takes a lot for me to get to this point, and I guess three years of putting up with innuendos and being picked on is enough. I stood my ground and definitely drew some boundaries. That is really all I can do. I am no longer willing to just accept someone’s behavior when it directly affects me! However, I can accept people for where they are at when their pain is not directly directed toward me. So, I do have to accept things as they are. I do have to know that when I am feeling about a certain situation or person, that it definitely has to do with me directly. I am good with that. What I do not have to accept is being treated meanly.
I have learned so much from my blow up! We talked later and I realized that I can be difficult to deal with at times because my mannerisms can sometimes be considered rude. That is just what I learned to survive out there in my life. I am facing these head on for the first time at a level I can understand. I realize that and I am working on it. My co worker, because of my fit was able to recognize that he to needs to change some behavior in order to not intimidate so much the people around him.
My conclusion is that this has been a win win situation. There are certain things that I have not been able to deal with throughout my life and drank over. The longer I am sober, as they say, the deeper layers of the onion are revealed. I am grateful for this lesson, and I am counting on God to get me where I need to be!!!! That is just how the program of AA works. No matter how long sober, if I am willing I can learn anything as long as I continue to pay attention. God has never dropped me on my ass without having a wheelbarrow right there to pick me up.
A Sober Thought 
Leave a comment